May 8, 2012

Speaking face-to-face in sentences with our Father

For the past 2 weeks I have had unusual extreme discomfort in my upper abdomen that I have never experienced before.  “Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him”  John 7:38 (NIV)  I thought it related to my diet.  Perhaps I was drinking too much caffeine via my many teas and one cup of coffee and it was giving me an ulcer or acid reflux.  I went to bed each night with very uncomfortable, almost painful gurgling in my upper intestinal tract, moving, pressuring, bubbling.  Rolaids did help it to settle down a bit and allow me to fall asleep.  This serious discomfort, as I mentioned, has gone on about two weeks.

This afternoon on a prayer walk the very uncomfortable almost painful pressure in my upper belly started again.  I couldn’t stop it.  The Lord said quite clearly, “You are afraid to talk with Me, I want to talk with you.”  That is exactly true.  I had been suppressing hearing the voice of the Lord within because, I will be honest, I’ve been doubting some of the things I believe He told me about my life.  I can’t equate myself with the greats in the Bible.  But I do relate to David who received a promise and found himself hiding in a cave, the opposite condition from his promise.  Or Joseph who also received a promise and found himself in the opposite condition in a prison.  So I thought, no more voices!  I will just not listen!  Maybe I’m not hearing my heavenly Father after all!  Yet the Bible says His Spirit lives in me, within my very being and person through faith in the Messiah, and Jesus said I should know and recognize His voice.  But forget all that, I’d rather pretend He doesn’t talk to me and just shut out that voice in my belly!

So on the walk I capitulated.  And He talked, not a lot, but indeed clearly.  And boy did my belly gurgle and gurgle like a pipe that was getting unclogged by a benevolent plumber.  What He shared was for me personally and, as is His way, so kind but also an “upward call” in line with what a Father would share who seeks spiritually mature children and not instantly gratified, worldly children.

So this evening, as I am writing this, all the discomfort from the last two weeks in my upper abdomen has absolutely disappeared.  Not from a change in diet, but from a change in heart.  This evening in my kitchen He wanted to speak some more, I resisted, and the uncomfortable bubbling and contortions in my belly started again.  So I bowed my head, yielded my spirit and ears to Him, and He spoke.  I realized how silly is the cryptic language most Christians, including myself, seek.  Signs via  dreams or numbers flashing on a clock or unusual wildlife behavior or little snippets of phrases.  Yes, the Lord uses all of that to speak to us and confirm.  But “the Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks with his friend.”  Exodus 33:11 (NIV)

I know I am to post this tonight otherwise I suspect I will not be able to sleep until I do.  And I don’t want to toss and turn with gurgling that feels like an ulcer so I will obey.  The Lord doesn’t want His children to talk only in dreams and signs with Him.  He is beckoning those who want to talk face to face, in sentences, in very clear words spoken by Him within and non-obtuse visions given by Him.  I suspect now that I yield my ears to Him and stop doubting what I have heard in the past, that the very uncomfortable and almost painful gurgling in my belly will not return.  And that His desire, that others hear full sentences like Moses did, will be accomplished.